I hesitate to give this part of my testimony, but I am led to believe it will benefit someone.

The motivation for telling my story is that God is real. That may sound mundane, but I meet so many people who have Jesus on their tongue, yet feel a blank in their heart. They have no way to describe their Christ except in theological doctrine or clichés.

Me at 3 years old, on the left

Me at 3 years old, on the left

I want to emphasize that this is a personal testimony, not a teaching.

I started following Jesus when I was 8 years old. From that very moment God was no longer invisible or mere words.

1. Predominantly I experience God as creator. When I consider the world I am captivated like an 8-year old with the curiosities of creation. Creator speaks to my mind and I am fascinated by sciences: astronomy, botany, zoology, climatology, anthropology, ecology, agriculture…I remember being with a group of clergy and we got talking about infectious disease. I remarked about how some of them infect us through our eyes. One pastor proclaimed astonishment that I would know this. I was startled that anyone could be apathetic to the way God’s creation works.

Me on patrol

Me on patrol

2. Jesus and I correspond in very physical ways. When I was 18 years old I had reached the bottom of life because of deep loneliness. In my despair I abandoned hope. Then Jesus touched me on my right shoulder. When I turned to see who was there Jesus said, “I am here.” Several times as I worked as a security patrol I was exhausted to complete fatigue. Jesus sat behind the steering wheel with me and drove until the end of my shift.

3. As I was thinking about all this my first impression was that I had no experience of Paraclete. Then God opened my eyes. Paraclete speaks to me in vague ways, but always as an urging to act immediately, or with knowledge I did not know. We attended a worship one time and Jesus was not there, so Paraclete told me to leave, which we did. Or the time a close friend phoned to say his wife was sick and he didn’t know what to do. Paraclete revealed to me how the medication she was taking worked, and how she had not followed the directions. I told him to get her to the hospital and it all worked out fine.

For me God is totally real. God is not known through doctrine or religious clichés.

It is also a truth, which causes me great pain, that people experience God speaking, or directing, or healing, or whatever only to have religious people pounce upon that soul and brutally denounce their “arrogance”, their fantasy. I had one woman punch me in the face with, “God wouldn’t do that!” in response to a desert place God chose to lead me in a rather dramatic way (being God took my singing voice away). I no longer share personal spiritual moments with her, though she is very close.

So, this is simply a small part of my story. If it frees someone to live with God in a real way, in the way God wants to live with them, that would bring me great satisfaction.

If you think I am nuts, well, you wouldn’t be the first to accuse me of that. I would be sad, but undaunted.